Embracing Change

I have a complex relationship with change. I assume a lot of us do. Usually change comes with feelings of excitement, joy, grief and anxiety. When I moved to Austin after living in Dallas for most of my life, I remember clinging hard to the idea of all remaining “the same”. I planned on returning multiple times a month, seeing my same clients, going to the same office--nothing had to change right?! Despite my attempts to avoid the grieving process of no longer being in Dallas, it became unsustainable, and I eventually had to face the emotions I had been so desperate to stave off.

Fast forward to today. I am 9 months pregnant, waiting on my baby to arrive. Never have I been through so many changes set off by pregnancy and impending parenthood. I frequently feel the inner conflict of re negotiating myself at every corner--how do I dress my body now? How have my needs changed? How do I prepare for a baby while maintaining care for myself? What are my priorities now? What food do I like now that I’m adverse to so many of my old favorites? What can I do to move my body if my old ways of moving no longer feel good? And on and on.

I again notice a stubborn, rigid part of me wanting to stand firm in my pre-pregnancy identity while another part of me is stepping towards surrendering to the addition of another part of my identity—the part of me who wants to be a good parent and explore what it means to also be a mother. This process has caused me to reflect on how we meet change with flexibility and courage, in addition to embracing excitement AND grief. With big changes like pregnancy or parenthood, life and we as people will never go back to being exactly what we were before.

Here is what I’ve learned so far from changes in my own life and how my clients are navigating change; the process of accepting and embracing change inevitably starts with recognizing and giving ourselves permission to face and feel grief, loss, and turn towards pain. Naming that I will never go back to my pre-baby, pre-pregnancy self is both painful and freeing. Grieving those changes has helped me move through the fear and anxiety.

In addition, it seems important to continue practicing riding the waves of discomfort around change and practice flexibility versus rigidity. Grief is not resolved in one go--it’s something we are constantly in relationship with. We can practice compassion for ourselves as we notice grief coming up or taking new forms. I am also recognizing my identity as ever shifting rather than completely changing overnight. I don’t have to completely shun other parts of my identity--they are still there to connect with.

Lastly, I am practicing giving myself the okay to find a few things that bring me comfort in staying the same or similar that I can practice throughout my pregnancy and postpartum period--a few household routines, friend dates, or petting my dog and cat at the end of the night. While you might not be going through the change of becoming a parent, change and transitions are complicated. I am wishing you well as you navigate through the inevitable changes that are currently or will arise in your own life.

Authored by Anna Zapata, LPC-S