Letter to my Younger Self by Rachel Tweed

Hey younger me, how are you? What are you thinking in this picture? You weren’t always a fan of having your picture taken but it is so fun to look back and think of all of the things waiting for you in the future. Also, I’m realizing this polaroid is a bit blurry, hah. 

Well, get ready to learn a lot. And grow a lot. And feel a lot of things. And I don’t even mean to insinuate that these things will be negative. Of course, you are going to experience your share of heartbreak and hurt but also you will encounter happiness and bliss. There will be balance, I promise. Really soon you are going to start to question the role of religion in your life (which is funny because I am pretty sure you are standing in a church courtyard in this photo). You are going to realize it doesn’t fit you but you will not find the actual words for what does until your first year of college when you learn about humanistic agnosticism. Just prepare yourself for your parents’ reactions to your separation from the church, they will come around but it’s going to take some time. 

You will have friendships and relationships that explore the depths of your love for others but at some point you will realize that it might actually be codependency and anxious attachment. Don’t worry though, soon enough you will have women in your life who will walk beside you in your healing. You will find a partner with a secure and calm soul and these relationships will provide space for personal exploration and knowing. And even though at one point you imagined yourself as a mother to four children, eventually you and your partner will discover that you want to live childfree. 

For a few years, maybe even a decade or longer? (that’s so long, wow), you are going to live in the world of the “pick me girl”. Honestly, while I love 90’s and early 2000’s movies they really did a number on us. You are going to attempt to make yourself small and agreeable but also quirky and appealing to the male gaze. Just be patient, soon enough you will enter your deconstruction phase. You will challenge your perspective of the systems around you and you will become more aware of what truly isn't working. You will begin to redefine your relationship with your body and your individuality. You will also be diagnosed with ADHD at 33. This is going to explain so much. 

You are going to become a therapist. This one is a little funny considering how you are going to live the role of “therapist” to many of the people in your young life. Good thing about training and experience is you will learn boundaries. You will get to learn how to be a professional therapist and that the job gets to stay at the office. You will get to work with your best friends and feel passionate about what you do everyday. You will get to hold space for other women who are deconstructing and exploring and questioning. You will get to travel and have hobbies and live new experiences daily. 

I am holding compassion and love for you, younger me. I know there are some challenging days and years ahead of you but I also know that you are going to be okay in the long run. I know your life is going to be a collection of encounters and experiences and that it will all contribute to you as a whole being. I love you, younger me. Enjoy what’s to come.

With compassion,

Older me
Authored by: Rachel Tweed, LPC